Ask Mads anything—answering your questions and giving advice with all the wisdom of a broke English major.

Embracing Doubt and Those Who Support Your Obama-Themed Parties

Q: Dear Mads-  I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a while and I’m very happy with him, but recently I found out that I was his first kiss. We are pretty serious, and he claims he wants to be with me forever, but I’m scared he only thinks that because I’m the only girl he’s ever been with. Is it wrong that this scares me? – Kelsey P.

A: Doubt is as natural as any other human instinct. I think the mistake we often make is assuming that because we feel it there must be something wrong. I have found that’s not always the case. Humans are naturally curious, and that’s where our doubt stems from—questions we want answered. Have you brought your fears up to him? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you’re feeling, but the longer you ignore doubt, the stronger it grows. If it’s a strong, healthy relationship you should be able to discuss your fears and help each other through them. Real love can handle questions.

I’ve let fear of the answers destroy so many things in my life. I’ve never been more in love than I was the first time and yes, maybe some of that magic comes from all the firsts. I was doubting different things than you are, but I still let that gnawing feeling in the back of my head ruin something great before it even started. I was too scared of hurting his feelings and learning the answers to things I didn’t want to hear.

You have nothing to lose in this situation. If he truly wants to be with you, he won’t bolt at the first sign of trouble. If he does bolt, better to know now than five years down the line. Embrace your feelings; they’re valid. But, don’t let them convince you to build walls where none need to be. From my experience, these kinds of excruciatingly honest conversations are what make relationships that much sweeter and that much more trustworthy. There’s no need to promise you two will be together forever, but you can promise to be honest with each other if things do change and work through whatever might come your way.

Q: Dear Mads- How do you deal with fake friends? – Mackenzie S.

A: Drop them. Seriously, there are so many wonderful, loving, genuine people out there—go be friends with them. I honestly don’t understand the term “fake friends”. If they don’t love you, they’re not your friends at all. If you don’t like your friends, you are wasting your time and missing out on the meaningful relationships you could be having. Friends are the family that you choose.

I have been absurdly blessed in the friend’s department of my life. I’ve been to the point of crying on the bathroom floor, and you better believe they held me and cried alongside me. When I am more excited than any normal person should be about a seven-dollar pair of shoes from Goodwill, they gas me up and pretend to be the paparazzi as I strut around the room. We sing Hannah Montana at the top of our lungs in the car, we throw full-blown Obama-themed parties, and we travel together. We park our cars somewhere dark and talk about the purpose of life and everyone we’ve ever been in love with, how weird growing up is, who has the cutest butt, and who has the smelliest farts. Life is too short to sit around waiting for jerks to change, so go find people who will love even the ugliest parts of you and support you through it all. Find people who you can laugh with until you cry. Find people who aren’t afraid to be honest even when it gets weird. Relationships take hard work, and you should pour that into people who aren’t afraid to give back. Join clubs and meet people who have the same interests as you. Talk to the person who sits next to you in class instead of looking at your phone the whole time. Comment on that person’s Instagram post that you like their outfit. Open yourself up to new relationships, and hopefully you’ll be surprised at the amount of people who would love to come over and learn the choreography to the High School Musical dances with you.

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