Ask Mads anything—answering your questions and giving advice with all the wisdom of a broke English major.

Tell Your Mom About Your Depression and Dance Like Kevin Bacon

Q: Dear Mads- My mom is constantly criticizing little things I do, calling me lazy, etc. It’s because I’m depressed, but I don’t want to tell her because I don’t feel like getting emotional with her—please help. – Savannah B.

A: I know how you feel—it’s scary. I’m not certain what your situation is, but from what you’ve said, it sounds like you live with her, which means it’s crucial you tell her. She has most likely said all of those things to you only because she believes you are capable of more. Which is true, you are. But only with proper help, something much easier to obtain with your parent’s support. She can help you set up doctors’ appointments, check to see if your insurance covers therapy, or help with transportation and copays (they add up). I know it’s hard, but you have to give her the chance to be your cheerleader instead of the person putting you in a darker place, even if only through a text.

I texted my mom a whole novel in the middle of the night when I was housesitting for family friends. I had tried to tell her about my depression for months, but every time we were alone together, even if it was the perfect opportunity, I just couldn’t say it. I was scared she would tell me I was overreacting, or that what I was feeling wasn’t depression, or that I should be thankful, or that I would somehow need to prove it to her. There was also no way I could say it without falling apart at the seams, so I sent it all in the world’s longest iMessage.

I’m not saying it becomes magical, smooth sailing from there. For me the hardest part was that I could barely admit it to myself and I felt like I should be able to handle it on my own (unfortunately, my ever-present flaw). Admitting it to another person felt like admitting defeat—I was just waiting for somebody to call me out on my weakness. Fortunately, my mom has been very supportive, taken me to see a doctor, and has been willing to figure it out with me. I truly hope you are able to give your mom the same opportunity and I hope you’ll be surprised by how much lighter the burden becomes.

Q:  Dear Mads- Do you have any tips on being confident in yourself? – Sam J.

A: Oh, do I. The number one thing that carried me out of self-loathing and turned me into a profuse selfie-taker and assertive opinion-giver was one simple phrase. Are you ready to have your whole life altered by this ancient proverb?  Read it and weep, my friends: “Fake it ‘til you make it.” Seriously. One day I tried it, and then I kept on trying it. Soon enough, I thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Ah, you think that outfit you have on is cool, but you’re not sure if you’re pulling it off? Fake it ‘til you make it, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, that joke you just thought of seems hilarious to you, but you’re not sure if anyone else will get it? Fake it ‘til you are freaking making it. Before you know it, you will believe yourself to be the most stylish and wittiest student in all the land.

One of the most liberating things my mom ever said to me was when we were at a wedding. I was 14 (hello, puberty) and was too embarrassed to dance. The whole family of the bride was crazy, and they were truly burning up the dance floor. My mom looked at me said, “Look at that girl! That’s not good dancing, Madeline. Everyone just believes she’s good because she’s doing it with confidence. She believes she’s good, so she is.” And from that point forward I have lived out my wildest “Footloose” dreams at every dance.

Send your questions to askmads101@gmail.com or submit them anonymously at askmads.Sarahah.com

Featured Image from Giphy