Ask Mads anything—answering your questions and giving advice with all the wisdom of a broke English major.

How To Love Yourself and Others (Even The Ones Who Require Extra Patience)

Q: Dear Mads- What are your favorite forms of self-care? I’m trying to create a better schedule for myself because I have been anxious the past week and a half. With finals coming up I’m just going to become more anxious. What are your tips on self-care and sticking to a schedule? – Isabelle V.

A: I know all too well how anxiety and depression can get in the way of taking care of yourself. Especially, school-related anxiety. Let’s start with the basics, which I’m going to mention because I know the basics are usually the first to go when you’re busy or stressed: drinking water and a multi-step skin care routine. Seriously, bringing a water bottle to class has revolutionized my life (many, many refills a day, too). A hydrated body has more energy and healthier skin.

As for skin-care—I don’t care how tired you are, you better get out of your bed, wipe your makeup off, wash your face, use a scrub, and the most important and revolutionary step: apply coconut oil to that face. I promise you will feel so squeaky clean (as long as you remember to wipe off the excess, we don’t want an oily face, either) and hydrated. I also like to squeeze half a lemon into a very small cup of water and chug it before bed, which helps with deeper sleep, boosting your mood, and detoxing).

But let’s not forget the mental part of self-care. Never underestimate the power of a clean room. I am guilty of having the world’s most horrific room (my friends will all confirm without hesitation) and honestly, that greatly contributes to my stress. So, if you have a messy room, please learn from me and clean it even if you don’t have time. It’s so nice being able to find things when you need them and having your room just be a relaxing place to unwind. If you do have a clean room… maybe you should be writing The Squawk’s advice column.

Another big contributor to anxiety is screens (see last week’s column: https://seahawksquawk.com/2018/04/05/on-dropping-out-joining-the-circus-and-the-triumph-of-good-over-evil/). It feels so good to unplug and get outside. Go on a run (or just walk), play with your dog, take some pictures, listen to music that waters your soul, read a book, be by yourself and just process. Whenever I do this, I wonder why I waited so long.

One last thing that helps me breathe easier is when I take time to nurture my relationships with other people, whenever I stop being selfish for ten minutes and get back to the people who matter. Call your friend whose text message has gone unanswered for a week and make plans even if you’re busy. Ask your mom and dad how their day was and how they’re feeling. Bring your significant other their favorite candy and just talk.

On the subject of finals-based anxiety– Cecil has so much planned for that week to help students relax and have fun! There will be therapy dogs, massages, water ice, and more. Speaking from experience, it’s easier to skip out on these types of things than it is to participate– but do yourself a favor and just do it! Socializing is just another aspect of self-care. My first instinct when I get overwhelmed is to isolate myself, and while alone time is good, don’t forget to let yourself be loved by others, too.

Q: Dear Mads- I’m a female to male transgender and my religious parents are aware of this, yet they choose to ignore it. I want to bring up my plans in the future for top surgery but anytime I bring it up they get weird and try to forget about it. What do I do? – Jason M.

A: Start by having a conversation. Sit them down and prepare yourself for it to be rough. Explain to them what you’re feeling and what’s happening even if it hurts. Besides the fact that they are religious—times are changing, the world is progressing, and there are people who get left behind, in need of an explanation and a tad more patience. Hopefully, they are willing to listen and learn something. As frustrating as it may be, be patient and concise, let them know it’s okay to ask questions and be ready to answer theirs.

The best thing we can do in this life is have open conversations and hope we come out more educated and compassionate than when we went in, even if we come out disagreeing. I hope you and your parents come out of this understanding each other. I can’t guess what their reaction to your surgery will be, but because they are your parents I hope it comes from a place of love.

Here at Cecil we have an Allies club that meets once every two weeks, for this semester they meet on Monday’s from 3:30-4:30 in TC 114 (for more information visit https://my.cecil.edu/ICS/Cecil_Life/Cecil_Groups/Allies/). Good luck, love.

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